It’s too late for me now. Please, go on ahead. I’ll be fine. Just leave me here out in the cold. Yes I know I could have hopped on the bandwagon a few seasons ago but I feel that if I did it now I would look like a try hard. Yes, that’s right. I’m talking about Game of Thrones. GoT. Something something Jon Snow. Winter is coming. A throne. And a game. Is it a big throne? Does anyone sit on it? I’m not sure. Because, hold on to your fur cloaks….I’ve never seen an episode of Game of Thrones. Ever. In. My. Life. It all looks very complicated. Is it based on books? I think I’ve read that somewhere. Is the author writing the TV series? I dunno. And it’s okay. I don’t need to know.
Heck, I couldn’t even be bothered watching the third series of Outlander and it had the handsome young Scottish fella in the kilt striding through the heather and time-travelling. Or something. It’s all a little hazy now. I really enjoyed Crazy Ex-Girlfriend but I gave up on that as well. A podcast told me it’s finishing up and I could probably just watch the final episode so I think that’s my plan for drawing a line under that particular piece of telly. I love Brooklyn 99 but I’m constantly distracted by Instagram while I’m watching it, so I miss most of the jokes. Yes even Captain Raymond Holt’s. And we all know he’s da best. Would I rather watch Seinfeld or The West Wing AGAIN from start to finish instead of the latest, greatest, too cool for school series based on a graphic novel, comic, cartoon, literary best seller, you name it it’s dropping on Netflix yesterday. Yas Kween.
Is my attention span too stretched with my many and varied entertainment options? Do I spend way too much of my day scrolling through Instagram stories? Perhaps. Have I lost the ability to concentrate on anything more involved than a dog going for a walk? Maybe. Is it a long walk or just a short romp on the beach with a Frisbee? How many dogs are there exactly? Did watching the YouTube videos of anthropomorphic garbage trucks with my two year old nephew on the weekend give me as much joy as a layered, intriguing, well-written costume drama used to? Could have.
My pathetic attention span or lack thereof, aside, the conclusion I’ve come to is that I just don’t give a flying dragon about Game of Thrones. Starting what looks like new vengeful fantasy epic with a relentless theme tune that owes everything to John Williams now seems like a fool’s errand. There’s way too much time required to invest in catching up and I’m busy rewatching Schitt’s Creek and tending to my growing indoor plant collection. I can just read the Wikipedia episode overviews. Bless you internets. And anyway, there’ll be another blockbuster series along in a few minutes. Like the train. Or the bus. If you’re lucky. And it’s not a public holiday. So good luck Thronies. I hope the final season that I’m hearing so much about gives you the resolution you deserve for your years of dedication and by the power of Greyskull, may the force be with you. Go forth and prosper.
Winifred Bell 